If it's meant to be, it will be!

June 15, 2023

"If it's meant to be, it will be."

Who hasn't heard those words at least once in their life? It sounds sensible in appearance not to try and force things, to let things happen "naturally" and "organically", that you will only get "what is meant to be yours". For those who believe in a higher power, whether it be the Universe or God, they believe that it's that very higher power that decides what is good for them. They just have to sit back and go through the motions of life, never fighting, always passive. Go with the flow. Don't stress yourself out. Don't try to control. But it doesn't work that way. It can for when the ball is in the other party's court or things are simply up in the air (not in anybody's power), as you can't really control their decisions nor their actions, but if the outcome you want requires action on your part, these words become completely moot. Naive at best, irresponsible at worst.

It's not that I'm a pessimist. I can be a diehard optimist, but this is the type of optimism that makes me cringe. And with the rise in popularity of teachings such as the law of attraction, more and more people are buying into this idea of "oh, you don't need to do a thing honey, everything that's meant for you will find its way to you, the universe knows better" I call bullshit on this. Not only it sounds unbelievably patronizing and infantilizing, but it also implies that everything will fall into your lap just because "it's for you". Narcissistic. Self-centered. The world revolves around me, thus what I want doesn't need me to take any action. I can't believe more people aren't calling bullshit on that when it's such a blatantly delusional thing to say. "I don't chase, I attract". Alright, but then don't complain if your situation never changes.

I used to think I was a bit of a forceful person. I can be. I have it in me to be brutal, unforgiving, secretly fond of a good fight and ruthlessly determined, growing even more determined in the face of adversity. In the latter case unfortunately, things become more about not failing than what they were about in the first place. But those are only an issue when pushed to the extreme. It's not so bad when you simply are assertive, know your worth, not afraid of confrontation and enduring in the face of adversity. No one is safe from falling into the extremes. But most importantly, I learned throughout my life that if you want something, you have to put in the effort and actually go for it. You can't just sit on your ass with your fingers crossed, hoping that it will somehow magically appear into your existence. That's why I'm a bit irked when people say "if it works out" and simply hope for the best, which is, to me, another name for "I won't be taking any action towards this, and if it doesn't work out, it won't be any of my responsibility". It used to sound like something normal for me, like a truth even, but the older I get, the higher it seems to send my blood pressure whenever I hear it, because I can't unsee this surprisingly common pattern I've spotted among people who are like this, the first one being my own father. It's a lie, a gross one at that. It might just that I've been severely burned by people in the past, but I'm not sure of how long I can really tolerate it without having to rant about it somewhere, hoping to find someone who will share this opinion and confirm I'm not being crazy or just "shouldn't have expectations". How can you not have expectations when you care enough about something to want to fight for it? In a nutshell, it's being punished for having a totally valid concern.

How many times did I do this, just wait for things to come my way, and things not only didn't change, they ended up simply withering and rotting away because I wasn't tending to them, like plants that will die if you don't pour them any water? How many times did I not communicate what I wanted, expecting the other person to just know, only to resent them when I found out they couldn't read my mind? (Yeah, not proud of this. That's straight up emotional immaturity on my end.) How much time have I lost having a vision, refining it to the last detail, yet doing absolutely nothing to implement it whatsoever? No, I'm not forceful at the core, far from that. I'm simply determined and decisive, and as I grow older and become more confident in myself, no longer afraid of putting my foot down and say "I want this. I'm going to do what it takes to get it, and get to the bitter or happy end of this". I take action. And this action is fully my responsibility. No one gets to decide for me and that's incredibly rewarding. Sure, if I make a blunder, there's no one else to blame but me. But isn't what it's supposed to be anyway? Isn't life supposed to be a challenge? Aren't we supposed to do our best?

I find it especially annoying in relationships. It feels like the other person is being lazy or just doesn't value the relationship. While some do value the other and the relationship, maybe more often than not, they still somehow never seem to take any action. They just "leave it up to fate". That's all fine and dandy, but there's only so much energy the one who's more invested can give before they run out of anything to give. And I noticed that often, the person who has been lazy doesn't get why the other is mad at them or has left. They just think it was their destiny, that the other is being too demanding, but the truth is, they got sick of beating a dead horse and withdrew because it's just despairing when you feel your efforts don't matter, your voice isn't heard, your needs, as reasonable as they are (as in, not extreme), are just worthy of being ignored.

There is still a chance to salvage the relationship if the lazy one starts putting in the effort, but in many cases, they only do it for a while and then drop it. And the more it bears repeating, the more empty promises there are, the less likely trust is to return and be repaired. And the person, in the end, will find themselves alone and wallow in self-pity. They will think of themselves as the victim, when in fact they were too cowardly and selfish to ever make a move. A person who behaves this irresponsibly and does not hear the wake-up calls effectively and perfectly causes their own downfall. Unless they make a conscious effort to change, they are unsalvageable. They'll just keep drifting through life with no aim, not even touching the oars that are there so they can, perhaps, take control of the direction their boat goes in, as the oars aren't there just for looks, and then complain when they end up in a destination they hate, because ultimately, after spending a whole lifetime half-assing their relationships, they will only find themselves alone. It's a rightful punishment for the fool who chooses to stay this way, and I can safely say they completely deserve their fate. Those who change successfully, however, are worthy of praise and can be considered really admirable people. It takes strength and commitment to change yourself, and few people truly have what it takes to do so. If somebody who is being lazy in my circle proves to me that they, indeed, have seen the light and successfully change, even imperfectly at first, they'll have gained my respect forever, at least in this regard.

There are, as I said, moments when things are really up in the air. You can't fight to survive when the doctors have done everything already to save you, yet it's unknown whether their efforts will pay off. That's one of the moments where those words are entirely valid. If it's meant to be, it will be. It's up to God to see if your body will resist the illness or injury despite the medical team's best efforts or if it will die. But I've observed a lot of people cannot think in nuances, rather, are too lazy to do so. They're not necessarily stupid, they've just never learned to question things or they are too afraid of what the change could mean to really make their move. They stop at the words and don't think about what they truly imply. They are like those people who wolf down fast food on a regular basis: not a single moment do they stop to think about what they're eating, and whether they're enjoying their food or simply putting something in their stomach to evade the feeling of hunger, or maybe, in some cases, an emotional void. If they did, they would realize that not only this food isn't nutritious despite smelling, tasting and looking great, it's also full of harmful preservatives and the ingredients are of poor quality.

I've rambled a lot, but to put it simply, I think that those words are meaningless unless backed up by action. The thing I find really good about people who are determined, including myself, is that no one will ever be able to say they didn't do the best they could. They make it to the end, regardless, and they'll have poured their heart and soul into that very thing that mattered to them. Even when things don't work out, it's still better than having things not work out because of not putting in the effort. Don't treat your relationships in a lighthearted way: treat them responsibly, because a human being isn't something you can treat like an option. It's somebody who, if you choose to get involved with, deserves care and attention just as much as you do.